Swimming is for Grownups
by Archaeologist
Summary: Xanatos and Mace Windu find out that swimming isn't always about getting wet. Timeframe: pre-Jedi Apprentice, Mace is 8 years old; Xanatos is 9.


Timeframe: pre-Jedi Apprentice, Mace is 8 years old; Xanatos is 9.

Notes: I was dared to write Yoda mush. For some reason, it wouldn't let me alone. So now I'm inflicting it on you. I'm experimenting with a dialogue only story. I've been told that sometimes I use too much description so I'm trying something new. Sorry about the mess...

Disclaimer: I do not own Qui-Gon Jinn, Mace Windu, Xanatos duCrion, Yoda or Yaddle or the Star Wars concept; Lucasfilm and Jude Watson do. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No credits have changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

"Hey, Xan, let's go for a swim before class. The water looks great."

"Swim? In the lake? Mace... errr, I don't think it's a good idea right now."

"Why, you too scared to jump into that cold water and mess up your hair?"

"Better to have hair than none, squirt."

"Hey, a bald head is considered to be very Masterly."

"Not on an eight year old, it isn't."

"And your freaky long hair makes you look like a girl."

"I take it back, oh great Master Windus-an-idiot. Go! Jump in the lake. Enjoy yourself."

"All right, all right, calm down, Xan. I don't want to swim alone. It's no fun."

"I'm not going in, Mace. Not even for you."

"But... Hey, wait a second, isn't that Master Yoda over there? In the water?"

"Yeah."

"What's he doing here? He never swims in the lake."

"Well, I guess he's swimming today."

"Okay, Xan, spill it. You know something, something big and you're going to tell me. Right now! Why is Master Yoda here? Why won't you go in the water? What's going on?"

"Shut up, you idiot, he'll hear. Those big green ears of his can hear anything."

"Okay, okay, I'll keep it down. But you know something."

"I don't know nothing."

"Xan, when you start doing that, you are hiding something. Now tell me."

"All right, all right, keep your wig on. Master Yaddle was in the lake earlier."

"So, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Mace, have you had the non-human reproduction class yet?"

"No, Xan, that's next year. Why? Are you telling me that Master Yaddle is reproducing in the lake? Even you wouldn't tell a lie that big."

"Ummmmm...it's not a lie."

"Master Yaddle is... Xan, you've got to be kidding me. That's disgusting. In the lake? That's..."

"Mace, that isn't the worst of it."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"She's amphibious, just like Master Yoda. She lays eggs and they get fertilized later."

"Oh, are you telling me now that there are eggs in the water?"

"Yeah..."

"Right now, in the Temple lake?"

"Yeah."

"That I almost went swimming in?"

"Yeah."

"Disgusting."

"Mace, it gets worse."

"Xan, how could it get any worse?"

"Master Yoda is swimming in the lake. Right now."

"So?"

"Master Yoda is the same species as Master Yaddle. She's got eggs and he's ... Well, he is male."

"Kriff, no. Xan, you can't be saying what I think you are saying. Are you telling me that Master Yoda, head of the Jedi and the wisest of the wise, is... is fertilizing her eggs?"

"Yeah."

"Right now?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, that's... that's... yuck!"

"You see why I didn't want you to go swimming."

"I sure do. You are a life-saver, Xan. I owe you for this."

"Keep it down. Look, Master Yaddle is over by that tree, watching her boyfriend doing his thing."

"Xan, that's even more disgusting. Do you think they do this a lot?"

"I don't know but I bet we can find out."

"How?"

"Mace, you and I are going to go a little bit closer and listen in."

"That's against the Code."

"And having sex in the Temple lake isn't?"

'Well... okay but we have to be quiet as Terrelian fieldmites."

"Mace, have I ever told you that you are really weird?"

"Hey, you're not much better. Now be quiet."

* * *

"Xan, did you hear that?"

"I didn't hear anything."

"Maybe they are, you know, doing stuff."

"Mace, don't talk like that. Thinking about it just makes me sick."

"I guess..."

"I know one thing. No matter what, I'm never going to swim in that lake again."

"Me, neither. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy."

"You wouldn't?"

"No, it's horrible. The whole idea is disgusting and I'd never feel clean after that."

"Squirt, come on. You wouldn't want that little slug that's always picking on you to go swimming right now? What was his name?"

"Oh, you mean Tel'gren. The one that's tells the Crèche Master everything I do wrong."

"Yeah, him. And I was thinking that maybe Delagrax might enjoy the water, too."

"You mean the kid that beats you up all the time?"

"Mace, he doesn't beat me up. He just tends to trip over my feet and put his fist in my face. But yes, him."

"That wouldn't be right, Xan. It would be against the Code."

"What Code? The Code that says don't have sex in the lake? I figure if Master Yoda can do it I don't see why we can't invite those two and their little rrshak tagalongs down here for a swim. Purely in the interest of becoming friends, of course."

"Well, when you put it that way... Xanatos duCrion, you are truly devious."

"Thank you, my friend. And it's not as if we actually did anything... Did you hear that?"

"Yes, I did. How could he?"

"It's even worse than we thought."

"I can't believe that Master Yoda called Yaddle his snookums."

"And she liked it. That is so yuck."

"Kriff, she called him Yodakins. Yodakins? I'll never be able to look at Master Yoda in the face again."

"Oh, Mace, look. Kriffing krayt dragons, they are rubbing noses now."

"That is just wrong, so very wrong."

"And she said she wanted to do it again, with her Yodakins."

"Again? Oh, that's disgusting."

"Yeah. You know, Mace, I wonder who else does this stuff. I mean Master Poof goes swimming a lot."

"So does Master Dooku and Master Rancisis. And most of the Jedi Council."

"That's wrong. How could they? But I... Mace, have you ever seen Master Jinn swim here?"

"Yeah, sorry Xan but I have. Lots of times."

"Not Master Jinn."

"Sorry. If it's any help, I bet he doesn't call Master Yaddle snookums."

"That's not funny, Mace. I was hoping that... "

"Yeah, I know. I wanted Master Yoda for my Master but now..."

"Well, they are breaking the rules. And I think that when we grow up, we should take over the Council and keep that kind of stuff out of the lake and any other place they are doing it. Agreed?"

"Agreed!"

"Hey, did you hear something?"

"What are you two young ones doing?"

"Kriff, you scared us, Master Jinn."

"Oh, sorry about the kriff, Master. We'll be going now."

"Xanatos, isn't it? And your friend here is..."

"I'm Mace Windu, Master Jinn."

"So what were you two doing here? Not eavesdropping, I hope."

"Oh, no Master Jinn. We wouldn't do that. Honest."

"So why are you hiding in the bushes? Getting ready to go swimming maybe?"

"No... errr, we don't want to go swimming there. Any more. Ever."

"Why not? Most kids love to swim in the lake."

"Ummm, Master Jinn, do you like to?"

"Swim? Yes, I often come here. Why do you ask, Xanatos?"

"Oh, no reason. It's just that..."

"Xan, shut up, will you? I'm sure Master Jinn isn't interested in what others are doing in the lake. I mean what they aren't doing. I mean what they shouldn't be doing. Ummmm, besides swimming, I mean."

"Mace, young one, perhaps you could tell me what you are talking about."

"Errrr, I don't know, Master Jinn. I mean you go in the lake too. I mean that I'm not saying that you do what the others do in the lake but you might and that is just so disgusting."

"Xanatos, do you know what Mace is talking about?"

"Yes, Master Jinn... ummmm, no Master Jinn. I'm sure you aren't doing those things in the lake. Even though others may be in the lake and doing things they shouldn't but you wouldn't do that, would you?"

"Doing what, Xanatos?"

"Errrr, reproduce in the lake."

"What!"

"Well, Master Yoda and Master Yaddle are reproducing in the lake and they are calling each other Snookums and Yodakins and they were rubbing noses and.."

"Shut up, Mace. I'm sure Master Jinn doesn't want to hear about reproducing in the lake even if it is the head of the Council doing it."

"Xanatos, Mace, are you sure that they aren't just swimming?"

"Oh, no Master. Xan saw the eggs and then we saw them rubbing noses and calling each other slobbery names. We wouldn't make up a thing like that."

"Mace is right, Master Jinn. Isn't that against the Code or something?"

"Not exactly, Xanatos. Jedi are not allowed to have attachments. It says nothing in the Code about having sex, just attachment. Although the slobbery names are disturbing... especially those names."

"So Master Jinn, then you have had sex in the lake."

"No, not there."

"Then you have had sex."

"Young one, is there a reason for asking this very personal question?"

"Well, I've had the non-human reproduction class, Master Jinn, but next month, they are going to be covering human stuff. I thought it would be better to learn from Masters who've already done it. You know, first hand experience is the best teacher."

"Well, I... well, I... I think it would be best to discuss this with your own Masters."

"But we don't have any, Master Jinn, and since you are here and go swimming in the sex lake so much, I figured you would know."

"I don't think... sex lake?"

"Yeah, since Master Yoda and Yaddle are doing it, we figured it was something all you Masters did. In the lake. Right?"

"Young ones, you are misinformed. However, since this all started with Master Yoda and Master Yaddle swimming in the lake, I'll talk to them and make sure they never do it again. Would that be satisfactory?"

"Sure, Master. If you say so."

"Good. I'll just do that now and all will be well. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Good day and may the Force be with you."

"Bye, Master Jinn and may the Force be with you, too."

* * *

"Wow, Xan, Master Jinn was really embarrassed about the sex lake thing."

"Yeah, it was pretty funny seeing him turn all red like that. At least he went over and yelled at Master Yoda and Master Yaddle. Boy, they left in a big hurry."

"But did you hear what Master Yaddle called him? Her big Jinnypie! That's worse than Yodakins. Do all the Masters call each other stupid names?"

"It must be a Masterly thing... Mace, do you think we will have to call each other stupid names when we become Masters?"

"I hope not. Errr... Xan, do you think they'll make us swim in the sex lake when we grow up?"

"Kriff, I hope not. Grown-ups are just so weird."

"Tell you what. Let's make a pact. We promise never to call each other stupid names like Snookums and Jinnypie and never ever swim in the lake again. Especially with girls. Alright?"

"Alright. Friends forever, Master Mace Windu."

"Friends forever, Master Xanatos duCrion."

And so they were.

Well, until the whole Telos thing and Xanatos turning to the Darkside and Mace losing his best friend and deciding that maybe, just maybe, being the youngest member of the Jedi Council wasn't so bad. But that's another story.

The end.


End file.
